1) A background check does not involve the wallpaper on your computer.

2) A urine test does not require studying, just stay away from the funny cigarettes, poppy seed muffins and your neighbors meth lab, you should be fine.

3) If a crime you were involved with involves a helicopter chase and has been seen on CNN, Fox News and MSNBC, don’t bother applying.

4) If you have ever walked into a strange house and Chris Hansen pops out of a room asking you to sit down, you probably shouldn’t apply for the job.

5) If in order to talk to the interviewer you need a “few stiff shots of liquid courage”, you should probably consider other options.

6) If you have a tendency to wear a trench coat and nothing else underneath, you might be better off as a carnival worker.

7) If you feel the need to be “packing heat” when applying at Chuck E. Cheeses, maybe consider another line of work.

8 ) If you were fired for threatening customer’s family pets while working as a bill collector, you may not want to use that company as a professional reference.

9) If you like the challenge of zipping through a school zone at 70 MPH without hitting a student, applying as a delivery driver may not be a good idea.

10) If you are a criminal applying for a job, hope that the company you are applying with doesn’t use Crimcheck.com.